Getting Close

Like a good patient, I went to my appointment at Lion's Gate on Friday. I'd never been there before, but I thought it was pretty nice - better than Victoria General where Anneka was born. I also met Dr. Scally - a very nice, warm man - who basically told me he hoped he didn't have to see me again! The appointment confirmed what I already knew; the baby was vertex again (and has been since Tuesday afternoon). Funny thing is, for me, it's way easier to have the baby breech. The pressure on my pelvis, cervix and bladder is released and I sleep long and deep. Now the frequent middle of the night bathroom trips have returned (and actually worsened) and I'm not as rested. Still, not too bad for almost 39 weeks.

Another focus this past week have been discipline practices for Anneka. I went to a parenting workshop at the Waldorf school and got a lot of good information and strategies. We've noticed an improvement in just the last few days. More about that later.

The Drama Continues...

Yep...baby is now breech. Good Lord! The baby is obviously not staying put. I have an appointment with Dr. Scully, an obstetrician at Lion's Gate hospital, on Friday. He'll chart the baby's position at that time, do a non-stress test, and if necessary attempt an external inversion. He thinks there is a good chance the baby will do a half summersault again. He also says I'm a good candidate for a breech delivery as long as the baby is frank breech or full breech, as I've already had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery of a fairly large baby with no tearing. This would mean delivering in Vancouver which is fine with me.

I love that this baby is so feisty, but it is causing us a bit of additional stress. I think Paul worries more than me that something could go drastically wrong. If during labour a foot or a knee presents itself instead of a head or a bum, I'll have to have an emergency Cesarean. But, I'm thinking this is the least likely situation. What can you do but hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst.

Against the Odds

What to call a baby who is still doing summersaults at 38 weeks. Saturday night after a busy dinner party in our 800 square feet of living space - drinking adults, wild kids - the little wild child inside me decided to flip over again. There was a tremendous struggle going on inside - so much so that I stayed up late monitoring the baby making sure I could still feel the occasional small movement after it had settled down.

A pre-natal appointment with my doc. (who I've decided is awesome) confirmed this, and off I go for another ultrasound this afternoon.

The odds of this happening are 1/97 at this stage.

Preparations

The time is coming soon. I met with my birth doula yesterday for the first time. She is freshly trained through the weekend long course at Douglas College. A weekend is not a lot of time to learn about birth, especially if you've never experienced or witnessed one before, but I really like Erin so I asked her to be a companion. She's my pre-natal yoga instructor. I feel honored that mine will be the first birth she witnesses and she feels honored that I asked her. Her back up doula is also a friend of a friend, whose company I really enjoy. If Paul is filming in the back country they'll both attend me. I've had offers from people to look after Anneka, so Paul and I have said we will sit down and finalize plans for various scenarios. We will call my mom and she will come as soon as possible and stay in the basement spare room for a couple of weeks.

My Dad is visiting this weekend and bringing their old fridge (they've just built a new kitchen), dishwasher and cabinets that the go over the fridge. He is also bringing some tools to do some finishing work left over from when Paul removed the wall and closet. I've got a nice cradle set up by our bed, borrowed from a friend. It's hand-made, wooden and swings. I wonder how much the baby will sleep in it, and I'm really glad we have a king-sized bed this time around. I've got a really cute white cradle set up in Anneka's room also borrowed from a friend. Right now all her stuffed animals are in it (finally a place to store them) but she says the baby can sleep in her room! I'm sure when the baby's crying a midnight, she won't appreciate that! "Anneka, can you get up and tend to the baby please, Mommy and Daddy are sleeping!"

Other than that, the baby has a changing pad on top of the change table/dresser in our room, and two drawers in that dresser. I'm working on clearing out another drawer. We have clothes, towels and sheets in pull out cloth containers under our bed. It's tight, but it's cozy and organized! We also have an infant car seat and bouncy chair. What more do you need, really....oh and a few sleepers and clothes to get started before we know the gender.

I'm beginning to get excited (and scared). This is beginning to feel real. Now, I think Anneka is asleep and I should get started cleaning the kitchen and preparing dinner for friends. Is it too late in the day to make and set a cheesecake?

False Alarm

There was nothing to worry about. The baby is head way down, back on my left, bum up and legs kicking at my right side. Not posterior, not anterior, just setting up nicely. Measurements, which can be off by 1.5 lbs in either direction, indicate the baby weighs 7 lbs, 13 ounces. That's the 95th percentile for 37 weeks! This is not a small baby, this baby has a good little belly and very chubby cheeks. Paul made it to the appointment and it turned out to be pretty sweet and reassuring. I'm glad Dr. Wood was prudent, it has put my mind at ease.

Clarification

I'm not sure if anyone reads this, but if anyone does, I really hope I didn't offend in my last post. The main reason I don't want a cesarean is because I'm a bit scared of surgery and I know the recovery can be much more challenging. Of course the main thing I want is a healthy baby and if that requires a c-section then so be it. Every birth is beautiful in its own way.

Too Soon to Worry

Instead of going into work as I usually do on Mondays, I just spent a very enjoyable hour and half at the pool. Unfortunately, I was there on Dr's orders. Dr. Wood filled in for Dr. Martin today. I really liked her. She's not so sure this baby is head down; she thinks it might be a bit transverse, maybe even with a little shoulder down in my pelvis. Not good. I KNOW that a breech baby can be delivered vaginally, but a transverse one can not. I knew the baby's little head was floating somewhere around my ribs last week.

Still, I'm not sure Dr. Wood is right. I suspect the head might actually be down in my pelvis. Tomorrow's ultrasound will tell. An auxilliary reason for the ultrasound, is that I've gained very little weight this past month and none at all in the past two weeks. I got large very quickly but have observed a real slow down in the last couple of months. I felt almost as big at 30 weeks, as I do now at 37. The baby's fundal height measures 35cm's which is OK for 37 weeks. I guess we'll see tomorrow, and if there is a problem with the baby's position, I'll find out what actions I can take - other than swimming and floating.

I think everything will be OK. I really don't want a c-section, and I am really looking forward to giving birth again. One good thing that has come out of this is that I got to go to the pool without a toddler, swim laps and float. That is definitely something I'd like to keep doing in these last few weeks and after the baby is born.

For the Love of Boob

This "post the colour of your bra" talk bouncing around facebook and links between prolongued breastfeeding and reduced risk of breast cancer, makes me think of my experience breastfeeding Anneka, and makes me wonder what type of a nurser this new baby will be.

I'd say Anneka was a moderate nurser, or a nurser of extremes, depending on how you look at it. Often she didn't want to nurse at all, and other times it was all she wanted; which could average to moderate. In the end, that is approaching her second birthday, she was moderate in the true sense of the word.

She was not a calm babe. When she was very little she would get very upset some evenings, and calming with the boob just didn't work. Swaddling, bouncing and a soother did. Although often a great tool, I couldn't always rely on nursing to put her to sleep. When she was very little she would look around a room, seemingly tracking people, and seemingly preferring this to tucking into mama. As the months wore on, she became more and more distracted; to the point where she would go all day without feeding if we were out and about. My commitment and vision of nursing in public was not as easy to fulfill as I thought. I would take her into public washrooms, but she'd just look around, and try to grab the toilet paper. When visiting in Victoria, I took to dropping in on various friends, just so I could lay in a bedroom with her and try get her to nurse. She was the same with napping when we were out an about. I worried a lot about her getting enough sustenance and getting enough sleep.

On the other hand, she liked to nurse a bunch of times during the night, more and more as she approached her first birthday. Shortly after her first birthday, at the urging of a friend, we decided to try night weaning her (so hopefully both her and I, and Paul too, would sleep better); we thought we would give it a stab. That's how I discovered that Anneka was actually a very good sleeper but had just formed a habit or association with nursing during the lighter stages of her sleep. It was nothing; she could totally handle it. We were lucky, I guess. Were we? For the next year or so, I heard so many moms complain about still nursing their older babies through the night and not getting a good nights sleep, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was necessary. Breast milk is important for growth and development, but so is sleep. This idea was reinforced, when on the morning after first sleeping straight through the night, Anneka gave up crawling completely and only walked, with a big grin on her face.

I wonder how the next baby will be in the night department? Maybe I'll find out why some children night nurse way beyond their first birthdays, or even their second birthdays; probably! Oh well, oh boy!

In Anneka's second year, she went from nursing many, many times during the day (one of those extreme phases) to only nursing morning, noon and evenings. That started with me offering her other options and slowly consolodating those many feeds until by 18 months we were down to the three. I was perfectly happy with this situation. But more and more, Anneka would forget about nursing in the morning, or someone else would be putting her to bed, and the nursing really tapered off. And when she was 21 months I became pregnant. Nursing wasn't so pleasant for me anymore, and she seemed to like it less too. I think she must have been about 22 months, when one evening we were having a not-too-pleasant nursing session, interrupted by some talking, and I said something to the effect that maybe nursing wasn't really working for us anymore and maybe she'd like an apple or a cup of milk. She said she would. And that was it. Unceremonious.

I wasn't mourning nursing, because I was going to have another little precious, helpless thing to nourish with my body, but I was worried about losing the intimacy with Anneka. She wasn't much of a cuddler and it was a time when she'd let me hold her close and cradle her in my arms. To my surprise and total pleasure, the opposite has been true. She became more physically affectionate, giving kisses to me all over my face and burrying her head in my hair. Maybe she needed to keep the intimacy too, and has only grown more and more cuddly. It's so lovely. When she's really ready to get down to business and go to sleep though, she'll always push you away, telling you, point-blank, to "move over" or "go away"! Gotta love her!

So we didn't make it until two, but we came close. I'm satisfied that she's received the lion's share of the good, healthy benefits nursing brings, and, honestly, there is no way I want to go back. I like where we've arrived.

I think so much depends on the child and on the mother and how they are experiencing the world. My mom, who doesn't worry about much and was a 'zen' kind of a mom, in that she just did what seemed easiest, had four different experiences with four different children. I don't know all the details, and I don't even think she really remembers, but I nursed well into my third year (two and something), while my younger sister, to my mom's complete surprise, weaned herself completely shortly after she was a year. She was a very busy little girl and a deep sleeper; maybe that's why?

So I wonder what this next little adventure and this next little person will bring? Of course, I'm different now too. I do know that I am committed to nursing, but I also know, that at a certain point, I'm gonna want and need my nighttime sleep.

And Then There Was Quiet

Cerys and Anneka on the ferry returning from Victoria.


Deep breath in, deep breath out. Alone in my house. Alone, in a relatively clean and tidy house. A wall and a closet have been removed - thank you Paul, my love - and there is more space to BREATH...deeply. The lights all work. The Christmas tree and decorations, cozy as they were, have been taken down, introducing a freshness, simplicity, calm.

Thirty six weeks since my last menstrual cycle. Thirty four weeks from conception. Tired, sleepy, lethargic - needing to slow down in this last month.

November and December were hugely busy months for us. Paul started filming and went on a trip, which brings equipment maintenance, planning and a new physical challenge for him. This, along with house renos, and evening parenting kept him on the go from morning until bed. Thanks to my friends for helping out with Anneka so I could finish up the term at Capilano U, and help out with all the pre-Christmas orders in the frame store. And thanks to Becky for doing all the Christmasy things with Anneka that I couldn't seem to fit in the schedule - baking and crafts. Many nights I was working past 10 and the eve before we left for Victoria, until 1am. But I did it! I got all the orders done, and I got plenty of hours and wages to ensure good maternity benefits.

















Anneka and Amelia smashing hippos on Christmas morning.


Doctor's orders are to slow down and rest more. She broke down my energy expenditure and said I needed to cut out half of it - at least. Well, I probably won't but I got the message. Today, Paul has taken Anneka to Science World and to visit her cousin, and I have a day. I don't have a car - that's good. It limits what I can do. I'm always questioning why I feel so tired...but then, I have a toddler this time, and so when I am home my time is devoted to her. I am always trying to make up for not seeing her as much. Oh ya, I'm growing a baby too. I forget that takes energy. And this body of mine requires extra effort to get to do simple things - like bend down to get flour out of the cupboard, or put on my shoes. At work, I feel like a bull in a china shop.

Yesterday, at the aquarium with Anneka and friends, I felt like crying all day. My back hurt sitting in the car, I was feeling drained, Anneka pushed and pulled the hair of an older girl and didn't seem to care, she was dressed like a boy and people were calling her "he" - as in "he pushed that girl", and little baby, who has been in position for the majority of this pregnancy, had decided to explore my uterus and was sitting with a little head jammed up into my right ribs!! I was feeling pretty damn sensitive, and did I mention, tired?






















Monster child.


When I got home, Paul was crawling around in the attic rewiring an electric circuit, getting covered in insulation and generally struggling. There were tools and parts all over the house. I cried.

Last night I slept deeply for an uniterrupted 8 hours, woke up and slept some more. Today, I still feel tired. But better. Better because I've given myself permission to accomplish nothing. Better because I've decided it's OK to be tired and act tired. Better because (I think) I can feel little feet in my right ribs and not a waggly little head. Better because I went grocery shopping on my own at 9am and bought yummy stuff. Better because Anneka was much more pleasant and we played and did art without me feeling I should be getting stuff done. Better because she's gone now, and so is Paul.

















Angel Child.


I love them, but I really do hope they decide to stay the night in Vancouver. I'm quite content to love them from a distance tonight!