Something to Celebrate

Halle the One-toothed Pirate

We just spent a very busy and fun afternoon/evening at an old friend of mine's house. She's recently moved here and I just ran into her by chance a couple of months ago. Then we kept winding up in the same places, for example, at the Health Centre getting our babies vaccinated. Anyway, we have lots to chat about and with her hubby away she's very busy. She has a three and a half year old and fraternal twin babes two months younger than Halle. Add my two to the mix, play, dinner and bath and you have a lot of multi-tasking and tag-teaming! At one point bouncing a winging Halle and chatting it suddenly occurred to us both that maybe she just wanted to be put down! I sat her on the couch and bent down to have a chat with her. She squealed and flashed me a smile and there it was: a shiny white tooth tip glinting at me! We all rejoiced. Anneka and her friend were marching around the kitchen island singing "Hooray, Hooray, Halle's got her first tooth!" I was so excited for Halle and we all made a big deal about it. It seemed as if Halle knew it was all about her and as if she'd been trying to show me it all afternoon. It was very celebratory.

I no longer am questioning giving her Tylenol two evenings in a row and in the middle of the night last night! She really was teething!

PS. And Anneka, my friend who we'll just call A, commented on your joyous soul. Your love of life shines on!

Anneka the Baseball Star

Really Grown-up Now

Well the couches look great! They feel great too! How nice to sink into a couch after a long day. You can also lie completely stretched out and the micro suede feels so soft. LUXURIOUS! I can't believe we tolerated our crappy futon ex-bed couch for so long.

Buying a couch has always been a symbol of "growing up" or putting down roots in my mind. I guess I'm finally grown-up! The world holds all types and there is room for us late-bloomers too...if you want to see it that way.

We can also escape downstairs to our other identical couch and watch stuff on the big computer monitor. Last night after getting both kids to sleep by 8 and Paul still out working, I was alone with no glass of wine and no movies downloaded or new episodes of anything. I was wanting to unwind. There was my neglected novel but what I really felt like doing was stretching out with a remote control in my hand. I might even be inspired to fold laundry from my position on the couch. It's been so long since I've had TV and then only when Paul, Ian and I lived together. I'd like it (tucked away in a cabinet) for the purpose of relaxation. Maybe.

Oh life changes and it is for the best but I do reminisce about those times. A great friend of Paul's (probably his best friend) and mine too, Whitey (Ian) got married last weekend. Anneka went off to Tofino with Gramma Rose, Char and Amelia and Halle came with us to the wedding in Duncan. Paul was the best man. It was a beautiful and very fun wedding. There were some people to catch up with and some newbies to meet. Although I left earlier with Halle, Paul arrived at the motel at 8am. I think it was great for him to catch up on old times and skiing adventures and a bottle of scotch. He gave such a perfect speech that was widely enjoyed. It was funny, interesting and from the heart. I felt very proud of him. When he rehearsed it for me, tears came to my eyes. If I'd let myself go there I think I would have been sobbing. It made me feel very sentimental about life, love, friendship, loyalty and growing up.

I did pick up my novel - Nikolski - and it was as enjoyable as ever. It too about the ebbs and flows of life; the events that lead to seemingly-destined convergences. I'm looking forward to finding out how it ends.

Low

I felt really low yesterday, which made me realize I've been on a bit of a high ever since I landed my current job. That has revitalized me professionally and personally and was really the start of a lucky streak. Then I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and daily have been rediscovering the beauty of sisters, motherhood and a full family life.

Admittedly there was a bit of me that felt like I couldn't fail at anything. Sure I had wee meltdowns, grumpy times, and new mother irritability, but overall I've felt HAPPY and on top of my game.

Then yesterday I got a blow. I thought I had nailed an interview and would likely be chosen to teach a different course in a different department. I'm usually sensitive to underlying ripples or nuances when things are a little "off", not quite right, something is going on behind the scenes, someone isn't who they make out to be, there is an underlying current of something..animosity, pretension, tension, insecurity, awkwardness, sadness..something. But I left the interview feeling confident and pleased. Did I miss something?

"Could you tell me where my shortcomings were please?"
Long pause...
"You could have tightened up your lesson."
"OK"
"Just tightened it up".
"Anything specific?"
"It could have been more age-appropriate, more business appropriate. There was some arguing back and forth and it was interactive so it wasn't a total disaster".

...NOT A TOTAL DISASTER?? What? This is the feedback I get for a lesson I thought long and hard about. It's not something I just coughed up on a tissue. OK, I felt like crap. Surprised and confused, yes, and disappointed, of course.

I could have gone with a more conventional lesson, but I chose to do something hands on and experiential. I took a risk, but it was a calculated one. Knowing my students would be mostly returning from school after a long hiatus and maybe felt some trepidation, I chose to reflect this in my lesson, by making it fun, accessible, common place, relevant and - hopefully - memorable. My teaching of the mathematical nuts and bolts was explained concisely (it's what I do) and it's application (to mixing and taste testing OJ) hands-on. Calories were calculated and a grocery shopping applications were made all using ratios (the topic). Yes it wasn't strong in the business aspect - that I could agree on, but not age-appropriate, a total disaster? My grown-up panelists were laughing and having fun with the lesson, I swear. Was I on drugs, was I not perceiving the room as it was? A philosophical aspect of my profession was being challenged.

So the next day, my usual enthusiasm for work somewhat paled, I sought more feedback. Afterall "there was some arguing back and forth" (ie. there was some discussion and disagreement) and "needed to be tightened up" (ie....needed more flow? needed to be more consise/coherent? ??) does not describe the language of an overly-eloquent individual.

The feedback I got from another panelist has given me some closure. My interview was very strong and that in her opinion I was one of the strongest candidates. A stronger business background would have helped me, and she would like the chance to work with me in the future. Short, sweet, simple. Thank you.

That is all that needed to be said. I can be at peace with this experience. I won't stop trying to make math fun. It is. And I won't stop putting what I think is my best foot forward.

Truly Tough

This is tough. I'm making it and I think I'm doing a pretty good job of it, but I couldn't and wouldn't want to keep it up. Paul has been away since last Saturday and will be coming home on Monday. There is only so much of Mom to go around and the kids need more. I also need some down time and a chance to nap or sleep in. In the early morning hours Anneka is joining Halle and I and I am sleeping like a sardine. They're lovely, but I'm getting tired. Last night I dreamt that I had to climb a gentle hill and I just could no longer make my legs move one in front of another. They were just so damn heavy. It is just one of those things, we didn't have any choice but to get through. My mom who is always willing to help is away in Montreal, and my sister in Vancouver is 8 months pregnant, working full time, and caring for her 5 year old with her husband away.

I'm at work and just about to head home. I really should stay as there is so much I need to get on top of, but my kids need me too. Sithra is lovely and I'm glad she is with them and it would be nice to keep her as a constant in their young lives.

We've made it through the week. At least I can check out (sort of) from the classroom/office until Paul is back. I've been catching up on work email and tasks at about 10pm after the kids are asleep and I've cleaned up from the day - kitchen, laundry, general maintenance. Every second of every day I am performing a task. (Except for now, when I am giving myself a few minutes to check out from must-dos and spew from my mom-brain which is really becoming backwards brain as everything I am doing, saying or writing is coming out backwards. It is kind of funny but not when you divide 42 and it comes out 24 instead of 21 and you're writing it on the blackboard. Thank goodness my students are funny themselves...but I digress)

Following "Deceptively Delicious" have managed to recently sneak cauliflower (well not sneak as Anneka made them with me) into scrambled eggs and muffins, which she ate but I mostly ate so at least I got a good dose of Vitamin C. Just thought I'd throw that in.

Bought two couches and two living room chairs found on Craigslist in Squamish for 900 bucks. Practically new, really nice microsuede. Killer deal. Only need one couch but such a damn good deal, what the heck. These are the kind of decisions made when one lacks time to weigh pros and cons. Con: How the hell am I going to get them home? Guess we are now furnishing the unfinished downstairs suite as well as our unfinished upstairs suite we currently live in. Wow, we're a mess!