I'm not particularly happy with my last post. It was a bit of a manic moment at the end of a work day. I think there are so many thoughts floating around in my head as we embark on this new chapter of working mummy, absent daddy, and nanny. Thoughts about my kids and how they are adjusting, thoughts about specifics of work, larger thoughts about life in general, and thoughts about details of food, exercise, health.
I happen to be very lucky right now in my overall health (colds aside) and my ability to stay calm, take things as they come, and achieve rest. I cringe a little when I read my last post, because I know things can be really hard for mothers (and fathers) and I don't want to be flippant or unsympathetic to other mothers who may have many questions about how best to cope, especially when it comes to getting rest. I know, because I've been there.
When I had to substitute teach in the mornings when Anneka was quite young with Paul away, I would have trouble settling at night because I would worry about all I had to do to get us both out the door in the morning and still leave myself enough time to be prepared for class. I found it very difficult. It was these sorts of worries that caused me to lose sleep, more so than any sleep interruptions.
I am able to cope now, because I am well rested. When one isn't well rested, thinking can become confused and problems seem bigger than they are. I don't think much beyond the next hour these days, if that. I still plan for things, but then I try to let them go. I remain organized enough that I don't forget (most) obligations, dates and duties, but take one thing at a time. It is the only way I can do this.
My kiddos are both in my room again. Anneka was definitely showing signs of wear tonight. She really wanted me to play with her duplo with her before bedtime even though she was so tired. She was so tired that even the usual before-bed routine (bath, snack etc.) took an tiresome amount of time and a fair amount of tears. I know she just wanted mummy time, but the duplo was too much. I read them stories in bed told her a story about when I was little and then turned off the lights. Still, Anneka sobbed herself to sleep (I think it was inevitable). Thank goodness it is the weekend and I can really be present with my kids.
Halle literally screamed. That is so unlike Halle, but she just seems so full of energy these days and after waking up from a nap at five, probably wasn't ready to go to sleep. She did, however, in her cooperative way, lay herself down and wait for sleep to come. She is full of surprises. She's not really showing any signs of wear and tear, and it was her, more than Anneka, I was worried about. She seems so excited about life and so happy. Friends who have seen her about, have even reported this to me, and apparently at Strong Start today, she was a crowd pleaser and a social butterfly. Any stranger anxiety, or apprehension has seemed to melt away over these last few weeks. Because Anneka is quite strong, independent, outgoing and perceptive, and now the eldest child, I forget sometimes that she is only three and she really is my little buddy. It's a lot for her to adjust to.
The most challenging thing for me is going to be the lack of down-time. I need it, but when I'm not working I feel like I need to make up the lost time with my kids, so I find myself trying to do even more as a mother, and letting them stay up a little later just so we can hang out.
This week was atypical of what it will be like though. Additional work obligations in this first week required me to be there all five days and the kids were under someone else's care (mostly G but one day at a friends) for 39 hours! Wow, they have actually done amazingly well. And to add to the stress on their little lives, Daddy has been away. (Paul, Anneka is asking about you so much - she really misses you!).
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