The Girlz are Alright.

Anneka:  The Storyteller.

She is drawing amazing pictures ripe with stories and imagery:  staircases, animals, patterns, symbols (diamonds, hearts, peace signs), people, pregnant mummies, queens, princesses, beds, apple trees and coat hangers.  And details, details, details.  She prints her name without asking any of the letters, she asks how to spell all kinds of words and writes them down in her neat printing.  She makes decorative letters, and is beginning to print some lower case letters too - mummy letters and baby letters.  She can identify and print all the letters and her phonological awareness is beginning to develop.  She runs her finger under words and breaks up the sounds after she has printed the word.  She says she's doing her homework.  Today we made a weekly calendar and drew pictures for school days, work days, home days etc.  Anneka has been trying to get it all straight so maybe this will help.

Halle:  The Performer

Halle is busy.  She's busy starting 'programs':  doing laundry, playing tea party, baking cakes; anything she watches us doing, she copies and initiates.  She drags her laundry basket out of the bedroom into the kitchen, picks up Anneka's dirty clothes and tosses them in there.  Then she tips it over and takes them back out.  She walks over to the book shelves, looks through the books, pulls out the ones she wants, sits down and "reads" them, and then brings me or Anneka the ones she wants us to read.  She puts the dishes in the dishwasher.  She feed herself with hand or spoons.  She, and only she, feeds herself.  She gets her clothes out of her drawer and tries to put them on.  She puts things in cupboards and drawers.  I find things in the strangest places.  And she dances.  She really dances hard.  She pumps at the air with her hand or fist, waggles her head, moves her feet, shoulders and hips.  It's awesome.  She's a girl after my own heart.

They both are.

Emily:  The Dreamer

I dream of change.  A change would do me good.  Maybe its the time of year but over the past couple of weeks I've felt myself become quite blue.  A month ago I was excited by everything but now I feel like Pooh-bear.  Ho hum, hum drum.  Life feels like work, parenting, housework, sleep, work, parenting, housework, sleep, housework, parenting, work sleep with no end in sight.

Of course I enjoy my kids, I still enjoy my work (well my students anyway), and I like to organize but I don't like housework.  Nothing's changed.  I don't like housework because with kids it is just continuous maintenance.  Nothing new.  I've been complaining a lot this past week because it's relentless.  It seems that for the past while Paul has never had a day off filming that I am not working.  G is with the girls during my work time.  What that means for me is I am either working or parenting, and when it's done I sleep.  Of course there is overlap between Paul and me for a few hours some evenings.  During these times I find myself retreating...not even asking just disappearing to some corner of the house, or spending longer than I have to nursing Halle before putting her down, just so I don't have to go clean up the kitchen or tidy up the house.  I also find myself retreating within more.  Often when I'm not content, I get fiery, I fire up and make a change or demand one.  This time it's more of a numbing feeling.  I'm feel resigned.  Not to worry - it is short lived.  I will never live my life this way for long.

The thing I was looking forward slipped away (Costa Rica in July) and so I've taken work instead for both summer terms.  Without this reward, this carrot it's harder to find motivation.  I had also intended work on a graduate program in September.  The M.Ed online program I had my sights on is convenient, fairly interesting, but does not really inspire me.  So at the 11th hours - actually the 13th - I changed my mind.  I've missed the deadlines for other programs and will have to postpone.  I definitely want to do a master's that is more academic, more research based, more applicable to my work and so will apply for a M.Ed or M.A. in Curriculum Foundations at SFU and Curriculum and Pedagogy at UBC.  The UBC program has a wider selection of courses delving more into the philosophies and the influence of social norms and paradigms on learning and teaching and pedagogy which all excite me, but the SFU program may be better adapted for a working mom.  Doing a program with so much f2f and on-campus time will be challenging from Squamish so perhaps it's better I wait another year when the kids are older.  I'm disappointed.

I will have to find something to get excited about.  I'm sure I won't have a problem getting accepted but in the meantime to help keep me excited about life I may take some courses.  Maybe Mandarin or brush up on some human biology courses (it would improve my teaching as well), definitely some more yoga workshops and maybe even work toward my instructor's certification.  That I would enjoy.

At the Art Gallery today we saw some female Japanese drummers perform.  It was wicked.  Huge drums pounding from a prone position.  I think that there is nothing I would rather do than that.  I am like a shaken carbonated beverage sitting on the shelf.  I need to be pointed in the right direction and then cracked open.  I need to beat some drums.  Maybe, to Paul's dismay I'll join a drumming circle!

One more thing.  Last night I sighed and said "I guess I'll night wean Halle tonight.  I better go to bed early".  Halle still wakes and nurses sometimes frequently, sometimes not.  Because I work quite a bit, I haven't really wanted to cut it out entirely.  But now I'm feeling more ready.  Most days I'm fine, but after nights of more frequent nursing I am tired.  I have too much responsibility to be sleep deprived.  So Paul (as I was hoping) suggested I sleep downstairs at least for part of the night.  Hmmm....how nice to lie in bed and actually read a book with the bedside light on.  I was asleep no later than 9:30, got up once to pee in the night and then was awoken by Paul at 6:30.  Apparently, Halle (who now has a very nice "condo sized" crib in our room) had woken a few times, he did not respond at all, and she went back to sleep quickly.  He thinks she realized I wasn't there.  So it was a non-event last night.  Maybe I'll ask if we can do it again tonight.  I don't know if I'm ready to give it up all together though.  What about the days I am out the door before she even wakes up.  I guess I'll go to her and drain myself before I leave - get up a 10 minutes earlier.  When Anneka night weaned she never went back.  Through teething, sickness or anything else she may have been experiencing, she slept.  She was Halle's age.